30 DAY JOURNAL CHALLENGE: DAY 3

Chapter 1: Gratitude
​Day 3: Write about the last memory that made you happy. What does it feel like in your body?
​Since my memory and my emotions are out of whack it's not easy to think about the last memory to make me happy. First, I need to think about how I register happiness in my current state.  Do I laugh? Smile? Do I even notice happiness? Looking back these past few months: OCT - hard work, stress | SEPT - trip out west, stress | AUG - stress... | JUL - stress... There's a theme and not sure how to break the cycle but I hope the FMLA helps.

I'm not going to say it's the last time because I've been happy in small moments riding alongside stress like Maya's birthday lunch and watching her play corn hole with my father; juxtaposed to just arriving cross-country or  seeing new and old friends at CATESOL; juxtaposed with going out on leave - you get my point.

For this moment I choose to reflect on our family weekend in North Carolina with my cousins Liz, Don, and Sandra.  We visited them at my aunt and uncles home, it was my first visit there in very many years. I did spend a lot of time in that home so it was a firm memory and very familiar. It felt known and it felt safe. When we enter the complex my reflex kicks in and I know to take the first left and another left. The house looks the same. We pull into the driveway and as we approach the carport I get a wee bit anxious - it's a tight fit. Then I see Liz coming out the back door and I'm excited - I feel that warmth you get from family as we hug.  We go inside and I noticed that very little has changed - the kitchen has the same border and the sun comes in the skylight to give the room a slight glow. I can remember the sound of my aunt laughing and chatting as she prepared meals.

Our goal for the trip was to walk the I Beg you Parton Virtual 5K on the beach - Sunset Beach.  It's one of my favorite places on the planet- it's small,  clean, and the warm water makes me think of boogie boarding with Maya. It makes me smell salty sea air and see off into the distance for the occasional dolphin. What made it happy was the time spent with cousins that I've not spent a good amount of time with in decades. It was the memories created while looking back at fond memories and learning many new things about one another. There was lots of laughter, talking, listening, and care for each other.
​My body and brain felt supported enough to walk 3.5 miles in one shot - a 2.5 hour shot.

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