challenging perceived limitations

Today I cried in physical therapy. I wish i could say it was because of pain, but it wasn’t. I wish I could say it was the first time it had happened, but it wasn’t. I remember the exact feeling in the rehab gym at Skyridge. It was the first time they had me at the therapy stairs. I froze in fear, quiet tears filled my eyes and my arm shook the way it still does when I’m nervous or uncomfortable. I’ve since successfully walked up and down many flights of stairs, sometimes even backward (under professional supervision). Today I was asked to jump. Just typing that is evoking fear and more tears. I attribute my zero fall post-stroke record to being uber careful.

As my therapist described what she wanted it required me to leave the ground with both legs and land on both feet- coordination that has not yet been proven successful. Everything about it felt uncomfortable. Yet not unsafe. I know she’d never ask me to do anything she didn’t think i was capable of. Her job is to help fix, not break me. Plus, i know a fall equals a shit ton of paperwork.

​So after soaking my mask in tears and snot I took some deep breaths, told Sonia why I was freaking out, took more breaths and focused on her demonstrating what I was about to do. With faith in my whole body I went into a squat then jumped up, landing into a squat. I did that six times... and I once more successfully challenged a limitation of my stroke that was perceived.