IT WAS A
Stroke of Luck |
"You're lucky." It's the key phrase I've heard from every medical professional that has seen me.
I'm lucky not to have lost my sight, lucky not to have more profound deficits, and most of all lucky to be here. I do not think I'm lucky for having the stroke, I can give thanks that I am on a good path of recovery, supported by amazing people and discovering a lot about myself. This is a space for my thoughts and feelings while I trek along this healing journey. |
Why it Matters
It had been a little over 7 months since my stroke. This was the first time I was being called on to really trust my body to coordinate in a dynamic way. I needed to leave the ground with symmetry, keep track of myself in space, then ‘stick the landing’ while maintaining my balance and stopping my momentum. I cried tears of joy afterwards. It may seem simple, especially since research says by 24 months, 50% of children can jump with both feet off the ground. I borrowed this from the same source: Jumping helps to develop leg strength and balance. It requires coordination of upper and lower extremity movements... Jumping is a building block for more complex movements, specialized skills, and general physical activity. What Happened March 7, 2021
Pretty straightforward I baked a birthday cake for my mom. If you unpack it and agree baking is a science, this was not easy. Cooking and baking are an amazing combo of PT, OT, and cognitive. You need to be in your body, coordinate your hands to do the work. You need to be organized, follow directions you need to read you need to work in a sequence. It's difficult, these were all skills I was working on in therapy. Significance This was was the first time I did something for someone else since having the stroke. Stylistic is a term I learned in cognitive remediation that's to say is this something I would've done previously. In this case baking a cake for my mom would absolutely be something that I would normally do. It was a whisper of me and a glimmer of my new self’s capacity. I was asked this recently after posting this piece of art. It made me laugh, out loud. You may not know this, I graduated from Massachusetts College of Art in Boston with a BFA in Art History. I was originally accepted as a metalsmith/ jeweler. I also worked in the foundry welding, casting, and forging. I mostly worked in 3-D and briefly changed my major to sculpture to go big. Eventually, I declared my major as Art History to allow me to experience all different studio art classes - ceramics, glass blowing, photography.
really struggled to connect with creativity ever since the stroke in August 2020. The words were not there and ideas were much harder to gather. I never painted or created 2-D work until the concussion in May 2023. Without screens or devices for 2 months, i just hung out with myself on the porch, enjoying the weather and tooling around with watercolor markers. Then in August at the LYB retreat I never left my bunk without water, markers, and my concussion sketchbook.
I guess that's when the creativity started to leak out again. It took a stroke and concussion for me to see myself as an artist. Let’s just say the universe refocused and slowed me down. Self-talk is the internal dialogue we have with ourselves. It’s normal to engage in negative self-talk because the brain is wired to pay more attention to negative rather than positive information, which is heightened after a brain injury. Addressing Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS) through positive thinking/self-talk is important to interrupt self-limiting thoughts that undermine our ability to heal and thrive. It's not about ‘looking on the bright side’ or convincing ourselves everything is okay. It’s a tool for showing ourselves some self-compassion. Q: What’s one positive outcome of your brain injury that you maybe didn’t expect? It may seem odd but I actually believe there are a number of positive outcomes. First and foremost, I have never been as tuned in to myself as I am today. I have a heightened awareness of my body, how it functions, and how to most positively engage myself. I've learned a great deal on the importance of self-care and how to be okay with making my health (physical and mental) a priority. I've developed a more steady stream of self-kindness and have been able to witness my on-going resilience. Realistic optimism reinforces the belief that progress comes with effort & learning new approaches to challenges. It's our ability to acknowledge obstacles without getting bogged down; seeing opportunities to work towards what’s possible. Q: What’s one challenging outcome of your brain injury and how are you growing from it? I think one of the most challenging outcomes are my issues with executive functioning - the skills that help me plan, focus my attention, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks. It's forced me to be in the moment much more than I've ever been. Despite hitting many road blocks these last 3 years, I've always kept hope that things could improve (even slightly) through hard work and learning/using new strategies. I feel fortunate that I've never limited myself to where I currently sit, instead I've been able to imagine and work towards what might become possible. I've become really good a workarounds, and leaving myself open to observing and appreciating the journey. Q: Share an intention that’s important to you right now and how do you use it in your daily life to support your healing or wellbeing?
An intention I lean into right now is, I can stop. "Getting better" is sometimes misleading. What does that look like? What does that feel like? For me it often matched up with doing more - a slippery slope towards overdoing which could easily turn into neurofatigue with longer-term effects. I don't need to do... I don't need to be busy. I can stop. Q: Share an “I am” statement that reflects your intention/how you want to live your life right now. I allow myself to relax. I am curious. I can wait. |
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