IT WAS A
Stroke of Luck |
"You're lucky." It's the key phrase I've heard from every medical professional that has seen me.
I'm lucky not to have lost my sight, lucky not to have more profound deficits, and most of all lucky to be here. I do not think I'm lucky for having the stroke, I can give thanks that I am on a good path of recovery, supported by amazing people and discovering a lot about myself. This is a space for my thoughts and feelings while I trek along this healing journey. |
BackgroundFinding an adaptive climbing program was important because that meant people at the gym have worked with people with disabilities. I still wasn’t sure how things would go for me, I’m always conscious that having non-visible disabilities means that you’re not seen - so I was excited and nervous. The intake form had the opportunity to explain my my concerns and limitations - it was great to get that all laid out prior. I tried to be very explicit since I knew it would help them plan for the help I might need. So what are my challenges in this situation? I had an ischemic stroke in the RMCA so I have a weaker left side, and both my ankle and wrist can have poor range of motion as well as my (my previously frozen) shoulder. Since I can’t feel anything in my hand I was worried about being able to hold on or accidentally slipping off the holds- and since the concussion my hand’s been wonky (that’s a technical term). I just had no way of knowing if I could functionally do the work of climbing and pretty sure I hadn't given my cognitive disabilities much thought, more on that later. The First ClimbWalking in I was overwhelmed - so many people, so much sound, so much everything. Everyone was super nice and welcoming. They offered to support getting my gear on and then gave me the option to climb on my own or to have someone climb with me. I had someone with me who helped but then I asked for an equipment check to be sure we were good. I opted to climb on my own. I think I wanted to understand how it worked and how I could do in that environment, to see where I was needing support. Next time I'll walk in with ear plugs and would probably still choose to get a feel for my body in the situation. My first run, went up pretty well and I was able to navigate how to get up without too much help- just a few reminders to stay focused on the blue holds when I started to veer. I made it up about 23' or so on a 32' wall then thought I needed a break so asked to come down. I learned later that you can actually take a break where you are on the wall. I think I would’ve made it to the top with that type of break- it was pure adrenalin and some automaticity in my movements that made that run a success. I did notice that I overcompensated for not being able to feel in my hand by squeezing exceptionally hard which put extra strain on my forearms which you’re already putting under strain in the situation. I also did a lot of looking to be sure I was holding on since I couldn't just rely on my hand understanding- that wore down brain battery. Next time I'd take more visual breaks and will trust my body more. The Next ClimbFor my second run we chose a spot on a wall in the back. It had a similar rating and seemed like a good choice because it was much quieter back there, but that was me assigning compensatory strategies that work in most situations to a completely foreign situation. What I can tell you is that I think I chose wrong. The holds were much bigger, further apart and required me to have bigger range. The protective way our body reflexes post stroke is to pull in, so I was not only doing something that I was uncomfortable with I was needing my body to go big and away from its center of safety. Next time I would stay on the same run, to benefit from the previous learning. I'll look at the bigger picture not just one potentially favorable element. I made it to a certain point and couldn't figure out how to move past it - all of this was mentally taxing so I came down and studied the wall. I visualized and asked questions to see what potential solution would work. My partner climbed up to show me what it looked like so I could understand what ways I'd need to move. On my next try by I made it past that point but immediately got stuck again. I remember hearing the directions being called up to me that I needed to pivot my foot. I heard it, I understood it, but I looked at my foot and it was not responding. I took a break on the wall but was at the point of being both physically and mentally stuck - the lines of communication were down. Next time I’d get support climbing on subsequent runs to help my mental battery by having someone guide me and take the thinking pressure off to allow for more physical capacity. I was very focused on the physical bit and overlooked the incredible mental load the activity required. Every move is a choice and requires synchrony with your body so as you are pushing up with your leg while reaching with your arm and hand. If you’re not able to reach, you need to decide if there’s a different hold for your foot/hand that’s better or if you need to turn your hip - you need to problem solve on the fly and that’s where my biggest challenge came. My cognitive disabilities are in the areas of planning, problem-solving, spatial awareness, and attention. So while I have limited proprioception I still could, for the most part, get the mechanics of climbing in this present body - I was more overwhelmed and exhausted by the problem-solving aspect. Next time I won't underestimate the cognitive demands and will get support to show me where to step/reach to break the wall down step-by-step - a huge cognitive help.
Off the wall I took a beat to feel the power of this space. From the ground I felt overwhelmed and got dizzy looking up so I stayed focused in front of me and just slightly above. From this vantage point up top, I could see everything - the person using a pull-up bar making their way to the top and the person getting support to make contact on the wall. I could watch the team as they worked to make an activity like this accessible for all.
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